Parental Control
by raven2547
Summary: Leonards parents don't like his girlfriend Jocelyn, so they've called in Parental control! pairings may include McCoy with anyone from Uhura, Chapel, Jim, or Chekov. based off parental control show . I know the end pairing. and im not telling.
1. Chapter 1

**I was watching parental control the other night, and I automatically start warping the show im watching to fit whatever im obsessed with at the moment, and it happened to be the nu!trek, and I thought that leonard's parents might be the only ones that I was interested enough in to give a crack at being the kind of bitches those parents are.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own. I only desire… and dream…salivating, mind-numbing, sexy dreams…**

**Pairings: Right now its McCoy/Jocelyn, will it stay that way? Find out!**

**Also, im switching things up, and instead of one DATE that is SUPERVISED, im giving them one DAY that is UN-supervised. Its one of my things, I do not like to be watched (at all) , so I don't think anyone else should be either.**

**This will be AU because I am omitting a lot of junk like, uh Joanna.**

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**Ch. 1: The Selections**

**McCoy Residence**

"Hi, I'm David, and this is my wife Anna—""And we called Parental Control because we HATE our son's girlfriend Jocelyn." A pair of dark haired Georgians sat in their living room, explaining their situation to the camera.

"Jocelyn is a gold digging, controlling bitch who I hate having around my house!" Anna said "She's always bossing Leonard around and won't ever let him study his medical journals for school"

**CLIP**

"Len, put those books down and take me to the movies or something!" a fair-skinned, dark haired 'she-devil' said to a tall, dark and handsome brunette man.

"Joc, if I don't study I'm going to fail." He said to her patiently.

**END CLIP**

"And she's always trying to get him to quit school. Who does that?" David said hotly.

**CLIP AGAIN**

"Jesus Leonard! Your stupid 'schoolwork' is always taking up time! You should really quit. Then we'd have more time together!" an enthusiastic Jocelyn said.

"Jocelyn, I can. Not. Do. That." Leonard said slowly.

**END CLIP…**

"Oh, and one of her most annoying habbits is that she's always taking baby name books wherever they go together, it's like she wants to be a young mother!" Anna took a sip of her coffee disdainfully.

**CLIP**

"Ohhh, Leo, look! How about Jezebel? Isn't that pretty? Or Laufeia! Isn't that exotic? Oh, or Joanna! That's so pretty, what do you think?" they were obviously on a date at a restaurant, and Leonard leaned over to look at the meanings.

His face twisted in a pained grimace as he read the first two, Jezebel: unexalted- which kinda meant stupid and not at all classy…

And then Laufeia actually was the name of the antiquated Norse god of evil and destruction…

But then he looked at Joanna: God is gracious… he kind of liked that one…

**END CLIP**

"So we've called Parental Control to help us convince Leonard to leave that shrew."

"We're confident that once Leonard meets some people who are actually supportive or nearly everything in his life that are of our choosing, then even if he doesn't choose one of our matches that he will leave Jocelyn and get a new girlfriend!" Anna said happily, "or boyfriend…" David added quietly…

"Or boyfriend! Thank you David, I forgot Leonard likes both now…" they looked kind of awkward together now.

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**Interview Room, Contestant 1**

"Hi, I'm Anna and this is my husband David, what is your name?"

"My lineal Vulcan name is unpronounceable by the human tongue, so you may call me Spock."

"Ok Spock, what do you do?"

"I am a professor at the University."

"What do you teach?"

"I teach Advanced Cultural Studies."

"That is so fascinating, are you _all_ Vulcan? Because I think my Leonard needs some affection."

"Negative, I am only one half Vulcan, the other half is due to my mother, Amanda Grayson, a human native to Minnesota in North America."

"Oh how lovely, it doesn't seem to have hindered your logic though has it?" they laughed nervously and Spock arched one dark eyebrow "Well, Spock, do you enjoy any kind of outdoor recreational activities?"

"…All contact sports are expressly denied on Vulcan, because we are touch telepaths and recreational violence against one's peers is most illogical."

"I said activities, not sports."

"From time to time I take to reading my books outside, or grading papers in the park."

"…wow, uhm, I don't think Leonard would like you very much… sorry Spock, but I do hope you find somebody who you make a good connection to."

"Good day madam, sir, I do not think he would have enjoyed my presence either, seeing as I can be upsetting to most of you southerners. "

"I can't imagine why."

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**NEXT**

"I'm Anna, that's David, what is your name young lady?"

"I am Nyota Uhura."

"Oh what a pretty name, where's it from?"

"It's a traditional African name meaning warrior."

"Oh that's nice, what is your career path?"

"I'm in the academy studying xenolinguistics; I want to understand most alien languages."

"Oh do you speak Vulcan?—" "Anna, we are not setting up this young lady, we are trying to find matches for our son." "Right, right David…"

"So Nyota, do you like children? Would you like to have some of your own sometime?"

"I love children, I would think all women do, and I would like to have maybe one or two of my own, but never anytime soon."

"Splendid! Now, have you already got names picked out for future children?"

"Oh no, that too far into the future for me, I'd rather it be on the spot with something pretty and exotic that comes to my mind when I see my child."

"That's wonderful. How do you feel about doctors?"

"Doctors are probably mostly nice people, but I really would not want to date one, they seem like they are under a lot of stress all the time and are always at the hospital."

"I see… Well thank you Ms. Uhura, we'll call you if we take you."

"Thank you ma'am, and you too sir."

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**NEXT**

"Me=Anna, He=David, who are you?"

"My name is Christine Chapel"

"Oh that's nice. What do you do?"

"I'm an RN, and I work at the St. Jude in Savannah."

"REALLY? How do you feel about going to college?"

"I think that you should, and when you get there you should work very hard to get what you want."

"I like that. A lot. Do you participate in any outdoor activities?"

"I am on a community co-ed softball team in the summer."

"Lovely, Leonard enjoys watching baseball too. What do you think of kids?"

"I would like to have maybe one of my own later in life."

"Do you have names picked out?"

"Alastair if it's a boy, Adela if it's a girl."

"I see. Do you tend to be a more controlling girlfriend?"

"What girl isn't at times? But I wouldn't stop him from doing things like seeing his friends or anything drastic."

"Ah. Ok, thank you Christine, we'll call you if we choose you."

"Thanks."

**CFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCF**

**NEXT**

"Hi, sweetie, I'm Anna, and this is David, what is your name?"

"My name is Pavel Chekov ma'am."

"Oh is that Polish?"

"Russian ma'am, but Poland used to be a part of Russia."

"That's nice, what do you do?"

"I am currently going to high school and I work at the grocery store."

"…How old are you again?"

"Sewenteen Sir."

"…Please leave, I don't want my son arrested for having intercourse with a minor."

"Understood sir."

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**NEXT**

"Hi I'm David, and this is my wife Anna, what is your name?"

"My names James Kirk, please call me Jim."

"Alright Jim, what do you do?"

"I go to the academy and I'm studying to be a Captain of a starship."

"How prestigious. Are you minoring in anything?"

"Uhm, yes, warp cores, and engineering, xenolinguistics, and diplomacy."

"That's quite a workload, can you handle all that?"

"Yes actually, I work really well when there's more of a challenge, and I am very well equipped to handle all of it."

"How so?"

"I don't know… I'm really smart and I find most things really easy?"

"How smart?"

"IQ is over 190 smart?"

"Good job. Do you do any outdoor activities?"

"I play soccer on the coed team, uhm, I play football whenever somebody wants me to play usually, but its touch, does that count? I really like being outside."

"Understandable. Do you like kids?"

"Yeah I think kids are great, but sometimes their annoying, you get my drift?"

"I get your drift, and I send back my own of 'you don't know the half of it'. Would you like some of your own?"

"Sure, maybe someday."

"How many? What would you name them?"

"I don't know. However many I wanted at the time, chances are I'll have one and then want another and another, and I have no clue what to name them."

David chuckled. "Good job kid, we'll call you if we want you to date our son."

"Cool, I can't wait to get that call, I'll be stalking my phone just waiting."

"That's a little disturbing."

"I know, but I am slightly insane."

"Who isn't?"

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**Well, I liked that, does anyone else? I'm just going to sit in my room today writing chapters. Drop me a comment if you wanna, I love them so much. I really don't wanna be ragged on, my self esteem is fragile. xD**


	2. Dating

**So I got really positive feedback, and I really want to finish this because it wont leave me alone, so im going to attempt to put both dates in this one.**

**Warnings: POSSIBLE SLASH- NO GUARUNTEE do not be angry or icked out if you don't like what happens, but im not saying it will happen…**

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**Interview Room**

Annie and David sat on the couch, flipping through the contestant book.

"There's my pick. I think Leonard will adore them." Annie grinned "Really? I think he'll love my pick," David said, pointing at his choice.

The contest has begun.

**McCoy Residence**

Leonard sat on his bed in his room, looking at the camera. The walls were littered with posters of diagrams of humanoid insides- Vulcan, Andorian, Romulan…

"I like Jocelyn, but maybe my parents are right. She's a little too eager to be a mother, and she doesn't let me do what I want. I don't know why my being a doctor bothers her so much; is wanting to help so bad?"

**CFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCF**

The family sat in the living room, with its big fluffy couches and armchairs, all a dark pink with oak legs per the woman's request, along with the bane of the parents existence- Jocelyn.

"I think you'll just love my pick Leonard! They're just the prettiest thing- and they're smart too!" His mother was, frankly, ecstatic- the chime sounded.

"Oh that must be her. I'll just get that." She headed toward the door.

"I bet she's a skank Leonard." Jocelyn said nastily, flipping through the baby book.

"Humor them Jo." Leonard replied none too quietly.

"Oh hi there! Come on in, Leonard is going to love you."

A tall, blonde haired, blue eyed beauty walked into the room, drawing the boy's attention to her. He dragged his eyes up her sleek form not being subtle at all.

She was wearing a white v-neck shirt which clung very nicely in his opinion, and the tightest Capri pants he had ever seen- she was kinda, sorta stunning in a strange way.

"Well how are you darlin'?" He turned on the southern charm, giving his best boyish grin.

"Oh I'm great thanks, my name's Christine." They shook hands when she came nearer, and Leo gestured toward the door with his free hand, "Would you like to start this date?" "I would be delighted!"

They walked out the door, and Anna did a fist pump before jumping a little "Yes! Did you see that Jocelyn? It's like your already replaced!"

"Whatever old lady. Lenny wouldn't forget about me."

"Why do you call him that? He hates that name."

"Exactly, so it gets his attention when people call him that."

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**Local Museum**

"So what do you do Christine?"

"I'm an RN at St. Jude over in Savannah; you?"

"I'm still training to be a doctor, I start interning in about a month."

"That's wonderful! What branch do you want to go into?"

"I would rather be a surgeon, I'm not too good with kids, pregnant women give me the creeps- no offense…not that you're pregnant or anything, just that you might be one day and…forget it- and those other choices- like podiatrist- are just weird."

"That's cool, oh look we're here!"

They walked up the steps of the Museum, "Why are we at the museum?" "They have an interactive exhibit of the human body for two weeks! And then I we could go boning."

"What?!"

"You know, bowling with bones." "Oh…" "What did you think I—you're disgusting!" she laughed at him.

They walked through the exhibit, entering the mouth, where the roof and ceiling started compacting in on them, simulating chewing.

"Ah! We're gonna die!" "No we're not! It's the digestive system!"  
"Oh…"

An arrow on the wall lit up pointing forward, and then the floor dropped and they took a slide that seemed to go on forever until they ended up in a small-ish vat of water with chunks of Styrofoam littering the floor.

"Where the hell are we now?" "Leonard! You're a doctor, I would expect you know what the stomach was!" "Ew."

Suddenly everything around them started caving in and shaking, vibrating almost, and the slush on the floor waved around, getting on their pants. Leonard pulled Christine with him over to the wall by the still unlit arrow, where he held them both up until the terror was over and it brightened into a starkly contrasting red to the nasty green color of the humid room.

"Finally" He dragged her towards the exit, where they passed through a circular door that kept squishing shut and then open again in patterns of about 4 seconds. He leapt through and motioned for her to do the same, and they tumbled into the small intestine.

Fans opened all around them, sucking air out at a high speed for about 30 seconds. When they stopped, they were a pair of partly dry medical personnel. A mechanical voice said out of a speaker "Absorption complete, please move on through the ileocecal valve, the valve that separates the large and small intestines."

"Oh for Christ's sake." Leonard pulled her through another compacting door, and they promptly tripped over a ridge in the floor as larger fans resumed sucking. Leonard screamed in frustration as he felt himself being lifted off the floor by the sheer force of air and then pushed forward by a gust of seemingly misplaced wind down another slide-like pipe.

This one curved and twisted and turned, making him dizzy, and he idly wondered if Christine was following. He was starting to get nauseous when he ran into a wall that grudgingly gave and he slipped through what he guessed was the sphincter.

"Oh. My. God. I officially hate the digestive system and feel a new sympathy for my food." Leonard shook himself as a blonde head poked itself out of the hole and squeezed onto the floor.

"What a ride huh Leonard?" She sounded happy at least. He straightened his shirt silently.

"You wanna go bowling now?" she inquired.

"Uh alright."

**CFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCF**

**Abandoned Hallway of the Museum.**

Christine picked up a clay skull form the shelf on the wall and hefted it on her arm. Down the hall, a collection of femurs and humerus bones were lined up like bowling pins.

"I'm warning you Leonard, I really suck!"

He smiled slightly at her and muttered under his breath, "I'm sure you do blondie…"

"What?"

"I'm sure you'll do…gnarly…"

"Oh thanks Leonard!" she beamed at him and threw the ball down the hall…where is violently careened into a side door about six feet away from the bones.

"Oh Jesus!" Leonard yelled laughing.

"I told you I'm horrible!"

His try went much better, knocking down about 8 of them, but missing on his second throw. Their little competition went like this for the duration of their time together—her missing entirely and him getting a good chunk of them down, with random strikes for her thrown in there just like all the horrible people get.

Near the end of their date, Christine leaned over and gave him a kiss. It was sweet, she tasted like sugar and honey and something minty, and he kissed her back with equal fervor.

"That was fun, lets go back to my place, their probably getting worried about us by now." He said and held out his arm for her to take. She looped her arm through his and he walked her to the car, where they drove off into the sunset….

**CFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCF**

Leonard walked through his doors alone- they had dropped Christine off at her hotel- and meandered through the kitchen into the living room.

"Well Leonard did you like her?" His mother pushed.

"Yeah, she was fun, her date was a little weird though." He said as he sat next to Jocelyn.

"I think you'll like my pick even more, he's charming, he's nice, and he's really smart, even though I'm a little nervous about his lineage…" David said just before the chime rung out again.

"That'll be him! I'll let him in." He picked himself off of the couch and walked over to the door.

"A boy? Leonard is straight you idiotic old man." "…Actually Joss, I came out as bi last summer."

"Why didn't you tell me?!" she screeched "I didn't know you didn't know!" Luckily, his father walked back in with another blonde, halting a sure-to-be fight.

Leonard eyed this one as well, only a little more closely than he did Christine. His legs were really long, but he wasn't taller than Leonard, and he was wearing slightly clinging jeans, that were snug on his ass and thighs, but loose as they continued down.

His eyes raked over the obviously male body, over his nice chest and broad shoulders covered in a red Academy shirt. He- thankfully- wasn't wearing any jewelry, and he had the bluest eyes the southerner had ever seen. They were a strange neon-cerulean color, and crinkled slightly when he smiled at him.

Oh yeah. He was gonna have some fun with this one.

"Well then, are you ready to go Mr. Doctor Man?" The boy grinned at him, "As soon as you tell me your name sweetheart." He drawled back, and if he wasn't mistaken, then his accent brought a small shudder down the pretty little thing's back.

"Jim, and I know yours so we're just gonna go now. Bye all!" He emphatically grabbed Leonard's hand and dragged him through the doorway.

**CFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCF**

**Local Planetarium **

"Where are we?" Leonard was still being dragged, although at a slightly slower pace, towards a large building near the center of the town, and they were now holding hands- something he only had done with his one ex boyfriend, and Jocelyn.

"The planetarium! I figure we can chart a few constellations, and then we can name our own stars!"

"They let you do that?"

"Yeah! For like 20 bucks man! And they mark it so it really is yours and nobody else can buy it. You can name it and everything."

"That's actually kind of cool." Leonard grinned at him "After my last date, I'm really sick of bones and doctor shit. Last thing I need is to start meeting work outside of work."

"No bones for you?" Jim grinned "No bones, except the ones that are exclusively mine, thank you." "Well then Bones, I think we're going to have a really fun time."

"What did you call me?" He was laughing more than he could remember laughing with Jocelyn, "Bones, its what I'm going to call you from now on." "What's wrong with Leonard?" "It's an old name, and you don't look like a Leonard."

"O…Kay, I'll take your word for it." They walked through the lobby- which was abandoned, go figure- and into the projector room, then they took two seats near the middle. They reclined backward as the show started.

They roamed through the stars and settled on a few constellations, when a voice went out over the speaker "This is Ursa Major and Ursa Minor, otherwise known as the Great and Little Bears who were cast into the sky for protection by Zeus from Hera, further along you will see the warrior Orion with his club and shield, and then Draco the dragon, the Herdman or Bear Driver, our solar system is filled with billions upon billions of stars, and it is nearly impossible to chart all of them, much more if we were to attempt to chart the universe's stars."

They spun in a different direction, "The Columba constellation is otherwise known as 'the dove' and is depicted as a dove carrying a banch; the mighty Hydra, a beast fought by Hercules in ancient times…"

The simulation went on and on, and strangely, Leonard found he enjoyed every minute of it, until, with 3 minutes left, Jim leaned over and kissed him. It was the opposite of Christine's kiss. Completely. He tasted of spices (cinnamon?) and heat and pleasant surprise, whatever that tasted like, and it wasn't gentle at all, but it wasn't rough either. He kissed him demandingly but calmly, chastely and deeply, long kisses, short kisses, and he never left him for more than a moment.

Then the buzzer went off, and Jim broke away and gave him a pleased, smug-with-the-world smile.

As they exited, he leaned over to Leonard's ear and asked him "Wanna go surfing?" Leonard took pause, and looked at him weirdly, it was near November, and even though it was Georgia, it was getting slightly chilly out and the water would sooner freeze them than relieve them.

"Sure…?"

"Cosmic surfing you dolt."

"What the hell is that?"

Jim rolled his eyes at him like _everyone_ knew what cosmic surfing was. "Ok, we get on a board and it hovers and its just like the planetarium alright?"

"Ok."

They made their way to the other side of the planetarium, which was actually quite large, and into a green-screened room with a large surfboard in the middle. Jim hopped on first and gestured for Bones to get behind him, so Leonard, being the southern gentleman that he was, climbed up and wrapped his arms around Jim's middle, bringing him back against him "Like this?" he said mischievously, rubbing his thumbs in circles on Jim's waist.

"Yup, you catch on fast" he grinned at him and pressed a button on the board with his foot.

"Starting Simulation." The computerized voice said, and they hovered on spot a few feet above the ground almost immediately, and Bones inhaled quickly and grabbed Jim tighter now.

"Whoa, you alright there Bonesy?" he asked, genuine concern bubbling through the blue eyes.

"A little aviophobia, but I'll be fine when they start talking." He said.

"The universe is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the gas station, but that's just peanuts to space, and so on; we are not quite sure just where or IF it even ends, but we do know for sure that there are in fact many species out there, and some yet to be discovered."

They flashed by planets, Neptune, Saturn, Uranus, Pluto, not in that order mind you, and Vulcan, Romulus, Andora, HD189733b- a water planet, Alva, Dimai, Cyrus, Bray, Gasp,…" This simulation was very pleasant as all the planets wizzed by them on their board, and when it ended a quarter of an hour later, he found he had very much enjoyed both of his dates.

Jim gave him one last kiss before they dropped him off at the hotel, and he arrived back home with a smile one his face… but now he had to decide which of the three of his spectacular partners he had chosen…

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**Did you guys enjoy that? I did, and that's an assload of information I dug up from google man. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.**


	3. Decisions

**Sorry! Im a lazy whore. And because I've actually been inspired to write by being really pissed off right now, if you lurve me and want to know whats wrong just check out my profile, its all there. He made me so mad. And I feel bad about not updating so that was good too. It was actually LovelyWickedDiscret who got me thinking about updating again, so im going to try SO hard to update all my stuff.**

**Here goes nothing.**

****

**Leonard's room**

The medical student sat on his bed looking at a picture of Jocelyn and himself, thinking about his two dates and his parents' approval.

"I love Jocelyn, but the others were so much nicer than her. And she won't leave me in peace about being a doctor!" He muttered, frustrated at his lack of progress in a decision.

****

**Living room**

This was it, the moment everyone- all the viewers, his parents, his suitors, and even he himself- had been waiting for. Now he must choose. Now, he must cast aside two of the greatest people he'd ever met. Now… he was kind of nervous and had to take a piss- but that could wait!

The three candidates lined up, Jim, Jocelyn, Christine, from left to right. Jocelyn looked positively pissy, and Jim and Christine looked both eager and nervous respectively.

"I've thought long and hard about who I want to be with, and what that entails- this wasn't an easy decision. I couldn't decide. But I think I've made the right choice." Leonard smiled and swallowed nervously while Jocelyn impatiently picked at her nails.

"Jim, you were so fun and I think we had good chemistry that would be a good foundation for a relationship," The blond grinned uninhibited.

"Christine, you are nearly just like me and we have so much in common. Your passion for medicine is truly inspiring and your are really hot," She smiled and Jocelyn gave an angry 'harrumph'.

"And Jocelyn. I've known you since we were in high school, you were one of my best friends back then and you're so pretty," She Devil smiled victoriously.

The McCoys sat on the edge of their seats, both dreading and anticipating the choice their son would make. Leonard paused for dramatic effect.

"Christine, you're really nice, but I felt like you weren't interested in me but only medicine and picking my brain, I'm sorry but I just don't like you like that," Christine frowned confusedly and then stomped out of the room, waiting for her turn at the camera.

**XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD**

"It's ok Leonard, I didn't really like you- I was surprised your parents picked me. I used you as a rebound to get over my ex-boyfriend Roger," She stuck out her tongue petulantly and walked off to her car

**XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD**

"The two of you were really hard to choose from. I feel like I've known each of you forever," The two stood not-so-patiently, "I wish I could keep both of you, but I can't."

He turned to Jim, "Jim, you **were **really fun and I think I can tame your wild spirit, but I think that you might be too smart for me to handle," Jim smiled and stood with his arms behind his back, ramrod straight.

"Joc, I've been with you since Junior year in High School, we grew up together and for the longest time I thought you were the love of my life," She was putting on another layer of lipstick, "But," She looked up, "You're always harping on me about dropping out of medical school, we never have any fun, and you're always wanting to get married—I'm 27! I don't want to get married yet!" Jocelyn looked shocked, and his parents looked positively giddy… wait 'til they heard this…

"That's why I'm choosing…" He waited, seeing the look in everyone's eyes, "Jim."

Jocelyn screamed angrily and ran out of the house, a camera following her rampage. Now the only blond in the room ran up to Bones and hugged him quickly- his parents laughing and cheering.

**XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD**

"I cannot believe you chose that whore Len! Urg! You will be sorry for dumping me! By the way, I've been sleeping with that Petri guy from high school for 2 months," She gave a self satisfied smile and stomped down the street.

**XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD**

McCoy and Kirk sat on the couch together with the camera pointed directly at them, Jim's hand resting on the other's thigh and Leonard's arm casually draped over the cadet's shoulder.

"You know, I'm glad I won. She's poisonous and deleterious," Jim said, smiling at his partner.

"You are too smart for me Jim, but I like you anyway. I'm glad she's gone too- way too much drama for me, guys are so much easier," He laughed and went in for a kiss- and was denied very suddenly.

"Are you saying I'm easy?" Jim asked, affronted and very offended. Leonard's face twisted into apologetic.

"I… didn't say that."

His parent's laughed in the background as Jim crossed his arms and pouted, his mouth twitching slightly at the corners.


End file.
